A note about raising heckles.

Isn’t it weird that so many negative words have a lovely ring to them?  Chagrin, indignation, raising heckles, exasperation. Lovely words, negative meaning. I’ve been causing these emotions this week, so let’s look at my top three things that will guarantee you a dirty look from a Japanese person.

At number three, putting your bag down in the wrong place. I can’t remember if I wrote about this last year, but it is frowned upon in Japan to put your bag directly on the floor in a public place. In most bars and cafes they have little bag boxes or bags that you can put your bag into to save it from the dreaded floor. If you are unaware of this and place your belongings directly on the carpet or floorboards, a gasp of horror goes up around the room, people look on aghast, uncomprehending. One of the staff will scurry over and correct your mistake, but all through your meal or coffee people will point at you when their friend comes back from the toilet or their date arrives. They’ll whisper in Japanese -he put his bag on the floor.

At number two and unlucky to miss out on top spot, it’s crossing the road when the red man in shining. This is the cardinal sin in Japan. You can have tattoos or grow your hair over your collar but dare to put a toe on the road when the pedestrian crossing lights are red, and you are the lowest of the low. Even if there isn’t a car in sight. Even if it’s half past ten at night. Even if you’ve looked both left and right. Even if your clothes are nice and luminous. They will tut, they will stare you down and on some occasions they will chastise you. 

But at number one, it is the old favourite - laughing at your podcast whilst on the train. I was standing on the morning Keisei Line train to Ueno listening to RHLSTP, Richard Herring’s interview podcast. This week the guest was the one and only Vic Reeves. I love this podcast, no matter who Herring interviews, it makes me think, smile, sometimes cry but always laugh and of course, with the ridiculous Reeves as interviewee, laughter was the order of the day. I can’t remember what set me off, but something did, and I was gone, sniggering away like a school kid in assembly. I was desperately trying not to laugh but that was just making it worse; my shoulders were shaking, my eyes leaking. I felt eyes on me, two, four, six, twelve, fifteen, twenty.  I wondered if they thought I was crying or laughing. Whatever, it was clear they didn’t like it. I had disturbed them from their Manga, their Tinder swiping, their baseball games or their videos of cats and their heckles had been raised. 

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